My gray is still showing. And may I ask another question?

So I didn't color my hair yet. I was so tired after church yesterday that I actually took a nap instead. For three hours. I guess I was tired, huh? Thanks for your tips and advice. I'll let y'all know what I decide.

Speaking of church...I really like my new church. A lot. I cry every time I go. It's still difficult for me to be at church, even if no one knows me. I suppose that it will be for a while. Healing takes time and the Lord knows that.

It snowed here in Omaha last night. And we are supposed to get more tomorrow. So I am heading out today to run some errands and one of the things I was going to get is a box or two of Christmas cards. Last year, because of the circumstances, I didn't send out cards (although I had ordered cards with our family picture on them to send ::sigh::).

So here is my question: I would like to send a few cards this year, but most of those who I would send cards to, do not know about the divorce. I thought about forgoing cards altogether but we always sent cards, except for last year and a few people contacted me because they were concerned. My question is how do I handle this? Do I put a little note in with the card? If so, what do I say? Do I write a Christmas letter instead? I hate to depress people at Christmas time and this will surely be sad news. The people I am thinking of sending cards to are people who would definitely be concerned to have not heard from us for two years in a row. But I just don't know what to do or what to say.

Suggestions? Thanks!

Happy Monday...stay warm!! : )

Calling all you at-home hair colorists...

Ok...so for the past few years I have been getting my hair colored to cover my gray.

My hair stylist happened to also be my good friend Valerie and she had been doing my hair for nearly 20 years before I moved. I really miss her. Especially right now, as my gray hairs are starting to show through.

And since I don't need a haircut yet and I am all about saving money wherever I can, I want to try to color my hair myself. Tomorrow. After church.

So, if you color your hair yourself...can you give me some tips? Which brand to you prefer and why? Tell me what I need to know. Please. Because I'm scared. : )

Thanks!!



*Image by realsimple.com

It's 13 degrees outside and yes, I really am ok with it...

No one believes me when I say I like cold weather. I do. I've always preferred cold over hot. I can't stand being hot.

Living through summer in the desert was never easy for me. The intense heat brought headaches, nausea and a nearly non existent outdoor life from May to October. When my children were younger, we homeschooled year round so they could spend more time outside in the spring and fall. Ashleigh had difficulties with heat as well, so it just made sense for us.

So here I am in Nebraska. The high today is supposed to be 32 degrees. We had snow flurries yesterday. And I ran a bunch of errands in the cold. Even went to my storage unit and unloaded boxes while the wind was blowing and little snow flakes landed on my face. I am not saying I *love* wind and cold...but I don't mind it. At all. : )

On another note: Thank you for praying for my mom. She is actually doing quite well, all things considered. She was transferred to a nursing/rehabilitation facility on Tuesday and thanks to my dear friend Mitzi, Mom is all settled in with her tv and cell phone. The facility does not provide these services and when you can't move due to a fractured hip and elbow, tv and phone are vital. : ) She is working really hard at her physical therapy to get home as quickly as possible and I am very proud of her.

It was hard to leave my mom on Sunday. I am so emotional right now (my mom, missing my kids, the holidays, the divorce...you name it and I can cry!), but I will see her again in a few weeks when I go back to Alabama. And I am so grateful to my friend Mitzi who has filled in the gap where I cannot be right now. She has been amazing and a huge help in caring for my mom.

And since it's been such an eventful month...I thought I'd share a few pictures. : )

Packing up the house in So Cal. We had lots of family and friends come to help. Here are the Maldies helping to take down the curtains and rods. Yes, I took them. All of them. :)

While we were all busy packing/loading, Merritt decided it would be fun to play in the ashes from the fireplace. Niiiice.


John and Todd were the official movers. They were such troopers, as I had WAY more stuff than they even imagined. : ) Sorry guys!!



Todd is going to be thrilled that this is the first picture of him I am posting on my blog. : ) But it's too good to pass up! This was around midnight or so, the last night at the house in CA. John and Todd had spent hours loading the Uhaul and they were so tired. Todd found a spot on the floor and literally passed out. Brodie the border collie loves Todd. As do Troy and Merritt, who were obviously still awake at midnight watching a movie. : )

On November 21st Zach celebrated his 19th birthday. For the first time in his life, I was not able to celebrate with him, but Ashleigh, John and boys drove to his school and surprised him. I cannot believe my 'baby' is 19!!


Here is my mom in the hospital. She was *not* happy I took her picture. She would be less happy (but not surprised) if she knew I posted it on my blog! : ) She hadn't seen Todd in many years and was so happy to see him again.


We spent Thanksgiving at my Aunt Pat's. It was a difficult day for me, being so far from my kids and the fact that things are so different from last year. My Aunt Pat is battling cancer right now and she worked hard to prepare Thanksgiving dinner and she did a wonderful job. We took a plate of food to my mom so she was able to enjoy a bit of Thanksgiving.

While I spent the day Saturday at the hospital with my mom, Todd took his boys to the U.S. Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville. This is Todd with his youngest son, Nick.



Nick and his older brother, Tyler. : )



Driving back to Omaha on Sunday we ran into traffic in St. Louis. Since we were hardly moving, it was a good time to take a picture of the Gateway Arch....

...And later to check my Facebook. : )




The Brode-ster. He has been such a trooper with all the traveling he's done this past month.

And I am including this picture because it speaks volumes: Me being silly and cracking myself up and Todd being his more subdued self. (Actually, he does crack up at himself and then I start cracking up watching him. I know. lol)

Happy Friday everyone! : )

Can I cry uncle yet?

I received a frantic call Monday afternoon from my Aunt Pat in Alabama: My mom had fallen and broken her left hip and fractured her elbow. She was in the emergency room, but was waiting to be admitted to the hospital.

Today my mom had surgery on her hip and I am currently driving through Kentucky as I write this. Well, actually Todd is driving (with two of his boys and Brodie the border collie in the back) and we are making a straight shot from Omaha to Alabama. Obviously we'll be spending Thanksgiving at the hospital.

It's been a rough few days. My Aunt Pat is suffering from lung cancer and my mom has been her caregiver. And as an only child, I am the caregiver for my mom. There are a lot of details to think about and honestly, Monday night I had a bit of a breakdown.

Actually it was more than a bit of a breakdown. It was pretty major. I literally cried my heart out to the Lord and told Him I honestly could not do this...that I could not take another thing...that I was so very tired.

Aren't you glad the Lord can handle our breakdowns? Of course He knows I can't handle this. He's not expecting me (or my mom...or my aunt...or my kids) to handle this alone. That's why scripture says that in my weakness, He is strong and He has shown this to be true so many times this past year.

So here I am once again. Weak. Dependent. Taking one day...one moment at a time. God is good. Always. I believe it.


Thanking the Lord for each of you and wishing a most blessed Thanksgiving Day! Hugs to you!

Settling in...

Setting up my little kitchen

Well...it's official. I'm a resident of Nebraska. : )

And can I just tell you? This is the happiest I've been in a long time.

I made dinner in my little kitchen tonight for the first time. Ashleigh and John have been working hard to help get me settled and I thought it would be fun for them to go on a date and have Troy and Merritt stay the night with me in my apartment. (We've all been staying at Todd's this week.)

So here we are. My two little guys are asleep in my room and I am sitting here blogging for the first time from my little home.

I have peace. I am hopeful. I am blessed.

Thanking you for all for your prayers...

Love and hugs to you!

Omaha bound!

It's done.

With the help of dear friends and family, we packed and loaded up Zach's and my life. It was quite the ordeal, but we got it done.

Said goodbye to the house and town I've lived in for 20 years...gave lots of hugs and of course, there were lots of tears. I walked through the house one last time and then closed the front door...leaving behind wonderful memories of a family that once was and saying goodbye to the awful memories of this past year.

We are making our way to Omaha. This morning finds us in St. George, Utah and then it's on to Leadville, CO today and then Omaha tomorrow.

So if you see a Uhaul truck with a trailer attached, followed by a Jeep Cherokee...with 4 adults, 2 little people and 1 border collie....be sure to wave. : )

Blessings and love to you all!

Moving forward

The other day I was having a conversation with someone and they mentioned that my upcoming move was a good thing...that I was moving on and that was good.

I thought about that comment later and realized I'm not moving on, but moving forward. Both require action, but there is a difference.

Moving on is moving past a circumstance, while moving forward is taking a necessary step.

The loss of my marriage and the life we had is not something I can move past. It will be with me for the rest of my life. And as a child of divorce myself, it kills me to know my children will be dealing with this the rest of their lives. Divorce is an awful, ugly thing.

So I am definitely moving forward; taking a necessary step.

It's hard to believe that in six weeks, it will have been a year since my husband left on what I thought was a work related trip--never to return home.

It will have been a year since I heard those awful words: I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be married to you. My heart and life broke into a million pieces that day. I am not a naive woman by any means and while we definitely had our issues, as all marriages do...I did not see this coming. Not at all. And the destruction has been far reaching.

When I think back over this past year, I remember the very intense, very personal and private pain I have felt while trying to make sense of why this happened. People asked me (and still do) how this happened? Why it happened? And if it happened to Rande and I, then what did this mean for their marriage? I don't have many answers, but what I do know is one of us walked away from the Lord. That is how this happened.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, I realized this was not just a fight for my marriage, but for Zach's and my existence. We found ourselves for the most part, abandoned. I found out very quickly that the legal system is not easy to navigate and some things are just not fair. For the first few months we were left with no income and if it were not for the kindness and generosity of others, I don't know how we would have made it. Eventually I did gain a victory when the judge ordered support and allowed me to continue homeschooling Zach until he graduated, rather than being forced to get a job immediately as was being proposed.

There has been very little communication with Rande this past year. The times I have spoken with him he has been abundantly clear that he has no desire to change the course of his life or restore our marriage. There has been little, if any, communication with the kids... family... friends... no one that once meant something to him.

So what do you do? You pray, you grieve, you hurt. But ultimately you must move forward. And keep moving forward...seeking and trusting the Lord for every unknown, unfamiliar step you take. Because what IS known is that Jesus is the same...yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is my trusted Savior...my Guide, my Friend, my Jesus.

And so with His leading and the support of my family and dear friends, I am moving forward. To a new life. A new beginning. A place where I can feel again. A place where my identity is not the woman whose husband left her. A place where I can continue to heal. I am not running from my pain, as I've had nearly a year to experience it and face it everywhere I look and I need a change of scenery. I have lived in a house and town where the reminders are constant of what was...and what will never be.

My moving forward has also been necessitated by the fact I could not financially continue to stay in my house. I am solely responsible for Zach's school tuition (no complaining, just stating a fact) and while my job at the hospital has been a HUGE blessing, it is not enough to sustain me and make the mortgage payment. I've known for a long while I would not be able to stay permanently, nor did I really want to. It's too painful. And my kids don't live here anymore...so yeah.

I began praying earnestly about 'where' to move this past summer. I needed to think about my mom in Alabama, my daughter who will be making a move after the first of the year and Zach, who is praying/considering continuing his education next year at a Christian college either in Wisconsin or Tennessee. I also needed to live someplace where I would have opportunity to work and go to school for better job training. So as I was praying, the Lord was working in a way I least expected...

As you can imagine, this situation has been very sad for many of our friends who have been close to us through the years. These dear ones have continued to walk this path with us, to check on us, make sure we are ok...have food, money, etc... The Lord has used them (and our family) to meet our every need.

Todd is one these friends. He has been a trusted family friend for over 22 years. And even though we have not lived near each other for years, he has always been a part of our family. When Ashleigh was a little girl she wanted to marry him. : ) He was close to my dear mother-in-law who loved him like a son. He cared about my brother-in-law. (Both having gone on to Heaven.) He remembers my dad and knows my mom. He knows and cares about everyone who is important to me.

He knows the pain of divorce himself and has been a compassionate, kind and understanding friend to me, to my kids and to my family. He has been nothing but a true gentleman and respectful of me and this process I am going through. He has been an encouragement to me in many ways, but mostly by his walk with the Lord and his zeal for God's word.

And he lives in Omaha, Nebraska. : )

I know there are going to be some (maybe most of you) who are thinking...What in the world is she doing? And that is understandable. I would be thinking the same thing if it weren't for the fact that it's my life and I am living it. I have seen the Lord's hand in this from the start and have the support and encouragement from my family and close friends. The decision to move to Omaha was not made lightly or based on emotions. It was a prayerful decision and made with the help of those closest to me. I've not jumped off the deep end throughout this whole ordeal and I am not going to jump now. It's simply the next step...moving forward...because I have to.

I have been very private with this because honestly, while most people are genuinely concerned for my well being, there are those this past year who have scrutinized my life, saying some pretty unedifying things. There are also those who have tried to gain details and information regarding my situation, not out of love or concern, but as a means to appease their own curiosity or to gossip. I understand people are going to have an opinion--good or bad--about my divorce, my move, ect...and that is fine. But please remember...you are reading my blog, which is a just a part of the picture...not the whole picture itself.

So that's the story. : ) I would very much appreciate your prayers as I prepare to move next week. I am ready and have peace, but I am also saying goodbye to family and friends and to a house that was once a home. My home...our home. And with God's grace and strength, I'll make it through and keep moving forward.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

California, I am going to miss you...

The other night while driving home from meeting Ashleigh to drop off Troy and Merritt, I caught this sunset with my phone camera.

I had the window rolled down, hair blowing, music turned up loud and realized just how much I am going to miss California. I've lived here my entire life. (Except for brief stints in Arizona and Japan, thanks to the USMC.)

I'll miss the beaches and mountains, but most of all I'll miss the people...my family and friends I am leaving behind. But I am so thankful for email, webcams, Facebook and texting. All the technology makes it a little less painful. Or so I tell myself.

I will miss you California, but it's not goodbye. Nope.

I'll see you later... : )

Ok...so there is a story

Yes, there *is* a story as to why I am moving to Nebraska.... of all places.

It's a good story. A God-has-His-hands-all-over-it story. : )

But I don't have time to tell it right now, because I worked 12 hrs at the hospital today and I work 12 hrs tomorrow. And my children are coming tomorrow night. Zach is coming home from school. Ash, John and the boys are coming after church tomorrow night. We'll be together for 24 hours, but it's going to be busy, busy, busy as we pack up the house.

You can be sure we'll shed a few tears too. While we are ready to move forward...it's because we have to...we must...but it's not without sadness because of all we have lost.

We have weathered much and we'll weather this too. Because we are strong.....in the Lord.

So I'll get to *that* story soon. Promise. : )

Hugs and love to you all...

Me and my girl...

I love this girl...I truly do. I don't know how I would have gotten through this past year without her.

More than a few times she has picked me up off the ground (in the beginning, that was literally true) and helped me to keep going. Both my kids, in the midst of their own pain, have been a continual source of encouragement to me. I am grateful to them both.

Ash came out on Monday, with Troy and Merritt. We were supposed to start packing up the house (more on that in a minute). We had BIG plans. We are always on the adventurous side when making plans. Following through is a whole 'nother thing. : )

We did manage to have a girls night--a movie and dinner at PF Chang's. We had so much fun! I love that my daughter is one of my very best friends.

We didn't get much packing done though. In fact, we didn't get any done. But we did talk and laugh a lot...and take care of two precious, albeit very active little boys.

It was exactly what we needed to do, because in 4 weeks I'll be moving. Moving from the house we've lived in for almost 20 years. And as hard as it's going to be to leave, it's time. One more step in this 'new beginning' season of my life.

And my girl (and John, Troy and Merritt) will be by my side as I make my way to my new little home.

So...Omaha, NE...here we come!