Monday, March 16, 2009


I had a house full of boys this weekend--big ones and little ones. Ashleigh is in Washington for a friend's wedding, so John came with Troy and Merritt to spend the weekend with us. And Zach had friends over as well. I loved every minute of it!

It brought a sort of normalcy to my life as I made a TON of food--panini sandwiches, lasagna, mac-n-cheese, pancakes, egg sandwiches, cookies--all stuff my guys love. It was so nice to cook for a crowd.

So were hangin' in there, yes we are! : ) The Lord is good. All the time.

I hope y'all had a blessed weekend too!

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Thank you...

Thank you all for praying yesterday...and for your words of encouragement. I read every comment last night and thanked the Lord for each of you. You are truly a blessing to me and my little family. Thank you.

It was a long and emotional day to be sure. But the Lord was definitely in the midst. There were some very difficult moments, as you can imagine there would be when you are trying to sort through 23 years of memories and 'stuff'. It was hard, but it was good. Sometimes facing reality makes you think, you know? Rande and I ended up having a very good conversation before he left--the first since he left our home back in December. No matter what happens, I am so thankful for that conversation. It was very much needed.

I have no false hope, but I do know that Zach and I succeeded in showing Rande the love of Christ yesterday...which was exactly what we prayed the Lord would allow us to do. As I told Ashleigh last night, it was almost supernatural and definitely not 'us' that we could be in any way nice, when our hearts were breaking inside. But Jesus--I can do all things through Him--gave grace and strength and we just tried to love Rande.

God is so good isn't He? : ) And today is a new day! Thank you all for praying...please, please don't stop. I know God is working.

Much love to you all...

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Please pray...again

I feel bad asking for prayer yet again, when I have been less of a friend/bloggy friend to you all these past 3 months. But I know going to the Throne of Grace works. I believe it with all my heart. So...

My husband called this morning and is coming to get the rest of his things. I feel sick. Nauseous. I cannot believe this is happening. But it is. It's really happening.

Please pray for Zach and I today...that we would remain calm and non-confrontational. As you can imagine, there is a whole lot we'd like to say and questions we'd like answered. But my husband is so far away from the Lord right now that he has no desire to answer to anyone. He's made that very clear.

Of course pray for Rande most especially. At this point, I pray the blinders would be torn from his eyes and he would SEE clearly, the devastation that has taken place because of the choices he's made...and continues to make. I pray he his heart would be grieved and he would turn to the Lord. I know my husband. At some point, maybe not for years down the road, he will wake up and be a very sad, lonely man...and he will realize what he has lost. And it will be too late. The most important thing I pray for him at this point, is for his relationship with the healing can take place until he turns to Jesus.

Thank you all so much for praying and hanging in there with us...we need you and appreciate you all.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Finding Joy

Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.
Let your moderation [gentleness] be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.
Be careful [anxious] for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4-7

I made it through the court hearing on Friday. Thank you so much for your prayers...the Lord's presence was definitely felt in that courtroom.

It was a sobering moment to see my husband--the man I married 23 years ago--looking so unlike himself. He didn't look awful, just not the man I've known all these years. And what an odd moment when our eyes met, for the first time since December and all I could squeak out was a very small, "Hi."

Of course what I wanted to say (or more like scream) was....Why are you doing this? To God. To us. To our children and families? Why? Is she really worth it?

And I'll be honest, I've been in sort of a funk since Friday. I've been focusing way too much on negative things--on all the what if's, the lies, the hurts, the uncertain future--and trying desperately to figure out the answers.

So in the quietness of this morning, my Jesus met me. He reminded me of His unending love for me, His mercy and His sufficient grace--even in the face of rejection from the man I've loved for so many years--my Savior loves me. That will never change.

And because of that truth, I can rejoice today. I do not rejoice in my circumstances, but I rejoice in the One who loves me and died for me. The One who sees each tear and holds it. My Jesus. I rejoice in Him.

The reality is I have so many blessings and so much to be thankful for...I just have to look around...

My sweet Zach...

My baby girl...Ashleigh. And her awesome husband. John has been amazing through this whole thing!

Troy and Merritt...they always bring a smile to my face. Always.

The love and support from family...

And good friends.

Beautiful desert mornings...with snow covered mountains.

And gorgeous desert sunsets.

Making pancakes with Troy...

And if I could post a picture of all of you--my bloggy friends--I would. Y'all are such a huge blessing and bring me joy. Thank you so much for your prayers, emails, cards and support. God is using you and I am thankful.

Blessings and love to you...