Transitions

I have been wanting to write a real post for a long time...but time is something I don't have a lot of right now. I am not complaining though. It's good to be busy.

It's been 7 months to the day, that I found out my husband no longer wanted to be married. What a horrible, awful day that was. I was completely shocked and devastated. I had no idea how I was going to survive. Literally.

I couldn't see past that moment. I could hardly breathe as I wondered what this meant for my kids...for my precious grandsons and for the rest of our family and friends. The news was broken to me over the phone, as I was told by my husband that he would not be coming home.

And he never did come home. We've never, by his choice, had a face to face conversation as to what happened...what led up to the events that broke our marriage apart. Honestly, that is one of the hardest parts of this whole ordeal...is that I will never have the answers or understanding I am looking for. There is just so much I do not understand.

So I try, with the Lord's help, to move forward. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I have to. When I look back to where my life was a year ago, I cannot believe where I am today.

A year ago Rande and I were a couple, just having gone on a wonderful trip to the Sierra's, just the two of us...and we were a family, getting ready to go to our homeschool convention and accompany Zach to his annual fiddle camp. I was a busy wife, homemaker, homeschool mom.

Today I live alone and work full time. I am no longer a wife or a homemaker and my homeschooling days are officially over. Life has indeed changed.

Divorce is an awful and painful thing. I can see why the Lord hates it. It rips apart lives and leaves nothing but a gaping hole where (in our case) love once held a family together through good and hard times. Rejection from the one who held your heart and whom you trusted, is the final blow and leaves you wondering if the life you've been living was even real or true. My children are left with broken hearts that I can't fix or mend. Family and friends too, are left with broken hearts and questions I don't have the answers to. The path of destruction has been far and wide.

But even in all the destruction and sorrow, there is hope. Hope in the Lord. Hope in what He can do and is doing in all of our lives. I cling to the same verse I held onto 7 months ago:

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

There is already good I see coming out of this trial. God has been faithful, even when I have been faithless and made mistakes (and I've made plenty). He has drawn my children and I closer together. I get to see my sweet grandbabies often. Zach graduated high school (yeah!) and the Lord has given him a wonderful opportunity to minister to 4th and 5th grade boys this summer. I have the blessing of a job I enjoy, after not working for over 20 years. I have wonderful and supportive (and patient!) family and friends. And a very special thing is that a close friend accepted Christ through this. There is much good to see...and I am trying to keep my focus on those things and the faithfulness of my Jesus.

Seven months. It seems like just yesterday and yet it seems like forever-ago. So much has changed....and yet, the one thing that has not changed is the love of Christ...for me, for my children...even for Rande.

Thank you for your continued prayers for us. Please also continue praying for my kids, as they have much to deal with...and for Zach and he seeks the Lord for direction this next year. Also...my dear Aunt Pat (my mom's sister in Alabama) was diagnosed with lung cancer last month and is currently going through chemotherapy. She knows the Lord and has a wonderful attitude. I am hoping to make a trip out there next month, Lord willing.

Thanking the Lord for each one of you...